Losing a parent is one of the most profound and emotional experiences anyone can go through. Whether it comes after a long illness or unexpectedly, the loss can leave you feeling overwhelmed, vulnerable, and unsure of what steps to take next. In the midst of grief, having to organise a funeral can feel like a daunting task. Yet, planning a funeral is also an important part of the grieving process — a chance to honour your parent’s life, say goodbye, and gather with loved ones to find comfort and support.
Understanding the practical steps involved in planning a funeral can help ease some of the burden during this difficult time. From choosing the right funeral directors in Peterhead to making decisions that reflect your parent’s values and wishes, every detail matters. This guide is designed to support you through the process with compassion and clarity, offering guidance grounded in UK traditions and sensitivities.
Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
Before diving into the practicalities of funeral planning, it’s important to acknowledge your own emotions. Grief doesn’t follow a fixed schedule, and there is no “right” way to feel after losing a parent. Some people may find themselves taking charge immediately as a way of coping, while others may feel paralysed by the weight of the loss.
If possible, take a moment to breathe and gather close family members or trusted friends. You do not have to do everything alone. Having emotional and practical support can make a significant difference, especially when faced with unfamiliar tasks and decisions. It’s also helpful to lean on professionals who are experienced in guiding families through this time.
Contact a Trusted Funeral Director
One of the first steps after a death is contacting a funeral director. Funeral directors in Peterhead are well-versed in both local customs and legal requirements. They will help you with immediate tasks such as collecting your parent from their place of passing and caring for their body until the funeral.
A good funeral director will also offer guidance on registering the death, obtaining the necessary documentation, and beginning the conversation about funeral arrangements. It’s perfectly acceptable to contact a few funeral homes to find someone who feels right — someone who listens with empathy and understands your family’s needs and preferences.
Register the Death
In the UK, it is a legal requirement to register a death within five days in England, Wales, and Northern Ireland, and within eight days in Scotland. In Scotland, you can register the death at any registration office, not necessarily in the place where the death occurred. You’ll need certain documents such as the medical certificate of cause of death and, ideally, your parent’s birth and marriage certificates.
Once the death is registered, you will be issued with the Certificate of Registration of Death and a form for the burial or cremation. These documents will be needed by your funeral director to proceed with arrangements.
Decide on the Type of Funeral
Choosing the type of funeral is a deeply personal decision and often depends on your parent’s wishes, family traditions, religious or cultural beliefs, and budget. If your parent left written instructions — either in a will or in conversation — honouring those wishes can be a comforting way to feel close to them.
Some families opt for a traditional church service followed by burial in a local cemetery, while others may prefer a simpler cremation with a memorial service held later. Increasingly, families in the UK are choosing green or eco-friendly funerals, reflecting values around sustainability and simplicity.
If you are unsure, your funeral director can explain the various options available in Peterhead and help you understand what’s involved with each one.
Choose a Venue for the Service
The venue sets the tone for the funeral. In Peterhead, families have access to a range of options including churches, crematoria, chapels of rest, and even more informal venues for humanist or non-religious ceremonies.
If your parent was religious, their regular place of worship may be the natural choice. For others, a funeral home’s chapel or a local crematorium can provide a respectful and peaceful setting. Some families choose outdoor or alternative venues, particularly if they wish to celebrate a life lived rather than focus on mourning.
When choosing a venue, consider the size of the expected gathering, accessibility for elderly guests, and any special requests your parent may have made.
Work with an Officiant or Celebrant
The person who leads the service — whether a priest, minister, or celebrant — will play a central role in shaping the tone of the funeral. Religious leaders will typically follow a structured service format, while civil celebrants can create a highly personalised ceremony that includes music, readings, and tributes unique to your parent.
Meeting with the officiant beforehand allows you to share stories, significant details about your parent’s life, and any requests you have for the tone and content of the service. It’s also an opportunity to include family members or friends who may want to deliver a eulogy, poem, or reading.
Write the Eulogy or Tribute
Writing a eulogy for a parent can be an emotional task, but it’s also a powerful way to reflect on their life and share their story with others. A eulogy doesn’t need to be overly formal — it’s okay to include humour, memories, and even flaws, as long as it comes from the heart.
If writing or speaking feels too difficult, you can ask someone else in the family or a close friend to deliver it on your behalf. Some families choose to write the tribute together, taking turns to share favourite memories and qualities that defined their parent’s life.
Select Music, Readings and Personal Touches
The personal elements of a funeral — the music, readings, flowers, and order of service — help make it a true reflection of your parent’s personality and values. In the UK, hymns are often used in religious services, but many families also choose secular music that held special meaning.
Readings can come from scripture, poetry, literature, or even letters and messages written by family members. Flowers remain a traditional part of many services, but some families now opt for charitable donations in lieu of floral tributes.
Photos, video montages, or memory boards can also add a deeply personal element to the service. These small details often provide comfort and connection during a time of sadness.
Consider the Wake or Gathering Afterwards
A wake or gathering after the funeral provides a time for family and friends to come together in a more informal setting. This is often where stories are shared, memories are celebrated, and emotional support is freely given.
In Peterhead and throughout the UK, wakes may be held at local halls, hotels, pubs, or even at home. Some families choose catered venues, while others keep it simple with tea, coffee, and home baking.
The tone of the gathering is up to you — some are quiet and reflective, others more celebratory. What matters most is that it feels right for your family and honours your parent in a meaningful way.
Think About Burial or Ashes Placement
If your parent is being buried, you’ll need to choose a cemetery or burial ground. Peterhead has several peaceful and well-maintained cemeteries, and your funeral director can help with availability and arrangements.
For cremations, families often need time to decide what to do with the ashes. Some choose to scatter them in a favourite location, place them in a family plot, or keep them in an urn at home. Others opt for more creative or symbolic memorials, such as planting a tree or using biodegradable urns that return the ashes to the earth.
Take your time with this decision. There’s no rush, and many families find comfort in choosing a memorial that reflects their parent’s legacy and spirit.
Look After the Legal and Financial Aspects
Beyond the emotional and ceremonial elements of funeral planning, there are also practical matters to consider. If your parent left a will, the executor will be responsible for managing the estate, paying any outstanding debts, and distributing assets.
You may also need to contact banks, pension providers, utility companies, and government departments to inform them of the death. The Tell Us Once service is available in many parts of the UK to make this process simpler by notifying multiple organisations at once.
If the cost of the funeral is a concern, speak to your funeral director about payment plans or financial support. In some cases, government assistance may be available to help cover basic funeral costs.
Take Care of Yourself
Grief doesn’t end with the funeral. In many ways, the reality of loss becomes even more pronounced afterwards. It’s important to be gentle with yourself and seek support when you need it.
In Peterhead and across the UK, there are support groups, counselling services, and bereavement charities that can offer guidance and connection. Speaking to a GP or mental health professional can also be a valuable step if you find yourself struggling to cope in the weeks and months after the funeral.
Give yourself permission to mourn in your own way and at your own pace. Everyone’s journey through grief is different, and there is no timeline for healing.
A Final Thought
Planning a funeral for a parent is never easy. It involves navigating intense emotions, making countless decisions, and facing the finality of a relationship that has shaped your entire life. Yet in the midst of the pain, it can also be a powerful act of love — a way to honour your parent’s life, values, and the legacy they leave behind.
By working with compassionate funeral directors in Peterhead, drawing on the support of family and friends, and taking time to reflect on what truly matters, you can create a meaningful and respectful farewell. And while the grief may never fully go away, knowing you honoured your parent’s life in a way that felt right can bring lasting comfort. Contact the team at Victoria Funeral Home.
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